Message for hip community

In my medical training I have watched patients and families deal with illness for years.

Over the past several months the experience of being a patient has changed my perspective. It is difficult to deal with pain, physical limitations and new knowledge of undeniable congenital skeletal abnormalities. Like many of you, I liked feeling strong, powerful and invincible. Dealing with my illness has been a struggle. I have been writing about my thoughts in this blog.

Zoom Zoom

Motofino is a Chinese moped manufacturer. A month ago I purchased a retro style scooter for $1200. A practical decision at the time. My husband's truck (1993 Nissan 210,000 miles) was stalling frequently. He drove my car to work (30 min commute) and I rode scoot. The tank fills up with 1.5 gallons, so about $3 a pop. So far 180 miles racked up on the odometer. Now we are the proud owners of a 2007 Honda Accord (4 vehicles now, if anyone is counting). So what happened to the truck? Well it is still parked in front of the house. Sometimes it takes men a while to come to terms with these things. Suprisingly I do not care. Having a husband who struggles to let go is an excellent quality. Besides he has known the truck 4 years longer than he has known me.

Crazy Busy Explodes

I am just sick. Nausea and dispair. Pediatric fellow late for work calls basic science research scientist husband. He comes downstairs to meet her, she runs to work. He drives car 4 blocks and parks it in usual location. She didn't mention the baby. He didn't look in the rear facing car seat. He returns to work. Seven month old little Sophia is found dead in car 4 hours later.

Too close to home, in more than one way.

Loss

My baby was due June 16th. Every time a colleague mentions their children reflexivly I think about the baby I lost. Seven month old baby, four months older than my child would have been. A sense of loss multiplied.

Similar Stuggles

In medical training others control your schedule. You are kept on a short leash. Pushing your limits despite mental or physical fatigue. My friends who have children share thier sense of guilt. Needing more time for work or home, always balancing the two. When interviewing I met a cardiovascular research scientist who balanced her medical career, laboratory, and family. When asked her advice she responded, "As a female physian you learn to juggle, trying not to drop a ball but knowing it will bounce. As a physician mother you keep juggling but the differece is now one of the balls (your child) is made of glass."

Harsh Reflection

Others tell me how lucky I am. They remeber their pre children days fondly. They say, "How wonderful it must be to pick up and go at a moments notice. You are so healthy and productive, these kids just take so much time!" Bitter for me. Waiting to start a family was a concious decision. Baby while protected in the lab was my plan. Infertility, left wrist fracture, hip cartlidge tear and congenital hip abnormality were not part of this plan. Few can understand the way married with children looks from my perspective. Disaster and loss haults the crazy busy life for Sophie's parents. Horrible pain and loss was not in thier plan. Where does that leave us?

Cleveland Update

With time the board review torture course is over, and also part of my wait is over.

The Cleveland Clinic (3rd opinion) also suggests surgery. The first emotion is disbelief, then two tears, then relief. My research mentor's brother offered the opinion. I had feared that he would be the only one to suggest less invasive (non-corrective) surgery. In that case I might have had less support for a long leave of absence for surgery.

Still waiting to hear from Dr. Nashville. He, after all fixed Izzy.

Izzy and me

"Eleven months ago, Isringhausen slumped at his locker, admitting, "I can't keep going like this." Saturday, he could think of nothing better. Isringhausen didn't require a full hip replacement. Instead, doctors shaved bone from the neck of his femur, allowing him greater flexibility with his left leg." -Joe Stauss, St. Louis Post-Dispatch, August 2007

Jason Isringhausen underwent femoral osteotomy for femoral acetabular impingement last year. It was his second surgery. I can only assume his 1st surgery was to repair a labral tear. Now he is playing baseball, can't beat that (for a n=1 non-matched- non-blinded -non-randomized clinical study).

In was in medical school (my friends agree) I never heard FAI. Now the literature suggests it affects up to 60% of patients receiving hip replacements in older age.

In the 1970's cardiologists were newly diagnosing mitral valve prolapse as thought it was a disorder of epidemic proportions. Years of further study revealed that actual morbidity associated with MVP is very low- and the diagnosis has fallen out of favor. Conversely, the first patients receiving the (arterial) LIMA grafts at bypass did not know what the clinical trials would show...... however now it is proven standard of care. Thousands of lives have been saved by this surgery.

A favorite attending in my training program says about new medical techniques and technology,

"Be not the first, yet be not the last."