In July 2006 I deviated from my medical training to take advantage of protected time for research. I joined a basic science laboratory. Since then I have learned an enormous amount. Western blot, quantitative PCR, immunoflorescence, flow cytometry, the list goes on. The problem is that with my assigned project (picture of cells), actual discovery or understanding has been difficult. As a novice in the lab I require direction. Doing what I am told gets old, yet whenever I attempt to inject my own ideas often I am redirected. I don't feel like this work is my own, it feels more like a burden. Writing a paper feels years away- I must see things through to completion. With my health problems this year I don't know what I am doing anymore- or better said why I am doing this. Misery at work is familiar, but with my clinical training I always felt that I was improving or at least touching the life of others. When I was young I had tons of direction and no skill. Now I have enormous skill and no direction.
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