From the sparkle

I am trained to understand how infertility affects patients. It is a pervasive source of stress leading to personal and marital conflict. Women facing infertility experience loss of well being because their bodies have betrayed them and they feel helpless in the situation.

This knowledge provides no insight or reassurance. Clinical problems and the emotional response is more transparent when occurring in bodies not connected to your own.

Polycystic ovarian syndrome prevents me from ovulating, makes my complexion resemble a 8th grader's and will save me from starving to death in case of famine. As a teenager I thought it was great to only have periods 4 times a year but now I need drugs to ovulate normally. Since food is a relative abundance survival from famine is unlikely to come in handy- and I am left with a commitment to exercise and reality that if left unchecked I will will be obese.

So desire to start a family got me moving to lose weight. Stupidity led to falling and breaking my arm. Insanity pushed me to run early/ hard post fracture convalescence. Hip pain sent me to PT. Impatience landed me in the orthrapod's office. Protocol prescribed hip films. Black sharpie circled bone in neck of femur that should not be there. Nurse penciled me in for January surgery. Whoa. Log way from the sparkle in my husband's eye and dream of little ones.